Hate Mail Archive

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How I Deal With Negative Feedback

I love feedback.  Positive and negative.  If it’s negative and mean to others, I block the user.  If it’s negative about me, I read it to determine if it’s a personal criticism or of my work.  Then, I ask myself these questions:

1.  Is it valid?  If so I take a look at it and answer.  I don’t think of feedback on my work as positive or negative, I look at it as valid or invalid.

2.  Do they just disagree with my opinion?

If they just disagree, I look to see if I can better explain myself.  If I can’t I thank them for their feedback and leave it at that.  I don’t take it personally.  Life is too short and if we agreed about everything, life would be boring.  But, if they disagree with facts, then I post the facts n a clear way and thank them for their time.

I love feedback. It’s a great compliment when people take the time to comment- even if negative. But when they attack other patients or communities, I just block ’em.y disagree, I don’t take it personally.  I usually thank them for their opinions or for expressing their feelings.  If they are mean or attack other patients, I block them.  If they are mean to me, I usually have a good laugh and feel flattered they took the time out of their day to talk about me.  People can be mean to me all they want, but if they go after someone in my timeline, a fellow blogger, on my Facebook or anyone else but me,  I will block them.  I also do not reward them with a reply.

3.  Is the person being negative; ignorant, or just a douche?

Here is the difference between being ignorant and being a douche:

Ignorance is a lack of knowledge because someone is not educated about a particular topic.  Ignorance can be fixed with education.

Douche:  Ignorance with malice.  The ignorant person not only refuses to accept the facts, but chooses to claim the ignorant stance with the intent of hurting someone else’s feelings; or hope that anyone who disagrees fails.

I block douches.  Ignorant people just need more information.

 

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I’m not sure if staying silent was taking the high road while events unfolded before my eyes during the time, but in retrospect, it was the right thing to do.  Not replying to things that appeared  to elicit  a response and just focusing on what needs to be done and removing myself from the equation was just the right thing to do.  The truth is, I will never know if what was said was to elicit a response or make me look bad.  Maybe it had nothing to do with me.  Maybe it was all in my head.  Wait, no it wasn’t, but that’s what I was told.

I know this because I had an experience where I was taken advantage of, blamed and I stayed quiet.  I spoke to only one person about resolving it.  The one person who could resolve it and make sure what happened to me, did not happen to another patient.

It was hard to stay quiet, and face some real truths about myself.  I am a recovered minion.  I no longer drink the “kool-aid”.   Despite all that went on, I am grateful for the learning experience.

What matters is what I learned.  I learned about who I really am, and what my goals are.  I learned that when someone tells me I shouldn’t be who I am, I may not be a threat, but they may consider me one.  It was painful to remove myself from the equation, but I am grateful for the experience because I now know there are people who will take my trust and use it for their own personal financial gain.  They will talk to me as if I am stupid and have no idea I can see through their  lies.  I learned that the criticism of questioning instead of answering my question, is a red flag.    I learned I never want to be that kind of person as a minion, and I learned how to recognize a minion gatherer.

I will never forget that no matter how hard someone works to hide their real intentions, it will come out eventually.  I learned that if I watch and observe they cannot hide exactly who they are.  And my education was tough, but priceless,  and I am grateful for it.

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