This a follow up to a post I wrote in 2012. I almost started fixing typos, but realized what it really needed, was an update. I have sarcoidosis in addition to scleroderma, but sarcoidosis is contained with medication. There was a great deal of damage done to my body, including my lungs that are scarred, known as pulmonary fibrosis.
After spending 45 days in the hospital to save my foot, I am now faced with the challenge of returning to exercise on a routine basis. As much as I would like to go back to Krav Maga class, this will not be happening anytime in the near future. I blame the horrid infection of my foot on just thinking about training for a 5k. All kidding aside, the infection was bound to occur, but it may have been prevented from such a drastic course with proper shoes. I thought because I was feeling so great, I could take a chance and wear something more stylish. That was my mistake. Now, I have this wonderful reminder to not push that good feeling. Message received, Universe. Message received. (You can’t see this, but I just looked at the sky, raised my hand, and impotently shook my fist in rage.)
Back to one, deep breath
One of my biggest lessons, of many from this past hospital stay is there is no such thing as a last chance for me. I changed my way of thinking of my hospital stays. I have always understood that they will be part of my life, but when I would leave, I would think, “This stay will be the last time.”
This time, I had enough time to realize that there were so many things I could not anticipate, that I cannot think of any time in the hospital as my last time, and my recovery my last chance. Yes, after 20 years I understand that I will get knocked down, but I’ll get up again.
Hope helps, but knowing I’m going to recover helps more, because it’s not a matter of “if” it’s “when” I feel better.
Of course I cannot predict the future, but I can have a positive outlook. Not unrealistic, just more than hopeful. never hope I’m going to get well. I know I am going to get well. And even though we never really “know” everything, it doesn’t hurt to act as if I will have a full recovery. People would say to me “I hope this gets better for you.” My reply was usually, “I know it will get better.”
Positive thinking helps, but I must do the work it requires to get better. There is nothing wrong with being stubborn, and I am living proof.
So, about the exercise…
I’m working with a trainer to build my strength from the inside out. Along with strengthening the large muscles, I must work on the small ones as well, especially my core and upper body. Right now, I am using light weights and rubber bands. These exercises may look small, but I can feel he work I’m doing. The exercises I do are no impact where my feet are concerned, and since I have lots of work to do on my core, there is plenty to keep me busy until I can do a full plank again.
It’s not easy, it probably won’t be the last time I need to restart, but starting again is so worth it.