Going Home

It’s 1am, I should be sleeping because I have a long drive tomorrow.

I have enjoyed leaving the worries of the day to day behind, but I am ready to go return. I’m ready to crash the Rheumatology clinic at the VA because they are probably over-booked. I’m ready to go back to taking better care of myself so I will not wake up with a mouth full of stomach acid. I am ready for my son to go back to school and make new friends. Most of all, I’m ready to settle into my routine. A routine with loyalty to no one but me and my son. So if you happen to see some crazy brunette signing in her car, try no to laugh to hard. It really is for speech therapy.

Have a great Monday and don’t forget today is a gift. That is why it’s called the present. Even if you open your present and find dog poo.

Stomach Acid. Inspiring, Isn’t it?

It’s 4:20am and I have just spent the last 20 minutes gargling and rinsing after waking up lying flat with a mouth full of stomach acid. You see I fell asleep on a stack of pillows practically sitting up, but gravity had it’s way with me last night. It’s been happening frequently on my vacation because I forgot to pack my wedge pillow. This time it was so awful, I’m too freaked out to go back to sleep.

I have to admit, I don’t follow all the rules of Reflux. I have coffee in the morning. Occasionally I eat onions. Last night, I had Ice cream. I usually do not eat at least 4 hours before going to bed. I was planning on staying up to watch the movie Paul with my brother, but I crashed while I was putting my son to sleep. He’s on the tail end of his separation anxiety phase and until he’s completely asleep, he’s got a death grip on my arm.

He’s about to start the school year next week. He’s progressively getting better and will soon have no problem falling asleep on his own. I know I’m supposed to just let him cry himself to sleep, but I just can’t. To be honest,I have separation anxiety as well. He stays with his dad every other week. I hate joint custody. I feel like I’m cheating or something because he’s with his dad 2 weeks out of the month. Shouldn’t I be enjoying my free time?

I think the root of the problem is that deep down I feel like I will be making up for time I haven’t lost yet. Let’s be realistic: I have two progressive diseases. I plan to live another 60 years and although I don’t believe in God I can still hear her laughing.

I’m afraid of what I might miss, so that extra 8 hours a day I spend with him while I’m sleeping will somehow make up for it. I also take every opportunity to drop some knowledge on my son. He has a great vocabulary for a 7 year old. I don’t give him nick names for private parts when he asks me where babies come from. I tell him the truth about how he came into this world 8 weeks early, but it’s a happy story because I got to meet him 8 weeks early. It’s amazing how one can learn to spin a story about an event that scared the shit out of my family, into an amazing story of how strong I believe this little boy is.

You see, although my health is an ongoing sometimes soul suckingly depressing fact of my life, I am one of the lucky ones. We all know someday we are going to be gone from this world. Anything can change in a minute. No different that a completely healthy person stepping in front of a bus. But for me and probably many like me we are very aware we are living on borrowed time. Every minute is a gift. I’ve squandered my share, but to finally get to my point, I use every teaching moment I can with my son. I also forgive myself for giving into his separation anxiety issues at night when he goes to sleep.

This started out as a rant about Reflux, but like any good therapy session, it shined daylight on the underlying issue. Not my son’s separation anxiety, but my own. I make any moment I can a teaching moment and just for now, it’s okay to indulge myself by listening to him sleep at night. This phase is in it’s transition with him. He will be going to bed on his own anytime, but just for now I’m going to take advantage of the extra hours I get with my son, even though he’s asleep, because every moment is a gift.

Monkeys and Changes

You may have noticed the term #FlyingMonkeys if you follow me on twitter. It started with a conversation I was having and just didn’t know how to respond. Having a chronic illness I constantly hear things like, “get well” or “I hope you feel better soon”. They are well intended wishes and I know people wish these things for me and many others. When I tell someone I hope well for them and it doesn’t happen, saying it again seems pointless because they are only words. So I thought, why not say words that will make someone smile. Humorous confusion is funny and laughter can lift someone’s spirit. #FlyingMonkeys belongs to everyone and is meant as an expression of compassion or whatever you want it to be as long as it makes someone smile. Words can be meaningless just as much as they can be powerful. Why not use these powers for good?

My inner Freud would analyze & attach some sort of meaning or rules, but there are only two rules for #FlyingMonkeys. Allow me to simplify it in the spirit of Fight Club:

The first rule of #Flyingmonkeys is it be used only for good.
The second rule of #flyingmonkeys is follow the first rule.
See, easy like cake. (I have never understood the term “easy as pie”. Cake is so much easier.)

About the changes… You may have seen me in a Vlog or two with @julianna12369 ofwww.whatthejules.com. We have combined our powers and have decided to use them for good. Together, with many more on twitter we are #chronicallyawesome. Do a search on twitter with #chronicallyawesome or #FlyingMonkeys and see the goings on, connect with others. It’s not just about Autoimmune diseases, it’s about life and its complications.

Now about me: I’m going to be making some major changes to my blog. My life is not just Scleroderma and Sarcoidosis. I can’t even drink box wine anymore. My alcohol consumption has to be rare so I save it for special occasions. I have also created a Face Book page, Karen Vasquez so I can receive direct messages from anyone who has questions, concerns or complaints. It’s also a place where I will post more photos etc because I will know who can view the page. I allow posting on it, but if I see a post trying to sell some crazy miracle cure I will unfriend and block you. I still have the blog page but there is no way to send me messages.

I will still be submitting articles to my Spoonie friends along with others.

Have you visited What the Jules? .com yet? Check out our Vlogs together.Go, NOW! My article about Social Security is already up- check it out. Jules also has some great articles from other bloggers as well as her own work to read as well. We Vlog together because it is geographically possible, it’s fun, we have chemistry and let’s face it- we are easy on the eyes. I will be posting my own Vlogs but they will be much shorter. I will expose you to my solo rantings in small bits. You are welcome.

Thanks for continuing to read my blog, reading my rantings on Twitter and following my adventures onFace Book. I have 20 years of chronically awesome adventures that I hope people can learn from and find helpful. #FlyingMonkeys to all and have a #ChronicallyAwesome Day!

Alice’s Bucket List

Hello everyone!!! It’s been a busy week and I have yet to post about the great pictures and fun we at the the 9th annual walk for the SclerodermaFoundation in Southern California.

I would like to recommend a blog, then if you have time please visit twitter, say something nice to Alice or just tweet #AliceBucketList
Check out her blog. Read about her story. One of her wishes is to trend on twitter.

Thanks for taking the time out of your busy day for Alice.

Monday Blog Share

I found some new to me blogs. I just love to share things I find fun, educating and inspring.

Happy Monday!

Adventure in Estrogen

Neurologica Blog

Bad Astronomy

Back Packing Dad

If I list too many, people may not check these out. If you are not included in these lists, don’t be disappointed. I still love to read you. I just want these lists to have meaning and not overwhelm.

Have a great Monday everyone!

Yes, My Butt Does Make My Butt Look Big.

So, I’m doing something about it. I’m getting a membership to a local yoga studio today. I have attended a few classes already and they have done some one on one work with me to help me do the poses correctly. I’m really excited about it. Not only will this be great for my lungs, range of motion and mood; it will help with that big butt problem.

Off to the VA today for a routine appointment. For those of you traveling the 215, you’ve been warned.

Have a great day all!