I have been given morphine the entire time I have been hospitalized, until a few days ago. While experiencing withdrawal symptoms. It has become an awakening experience of both mind and body.
I cannot drink enough water. Really, I can’t drink enough water. I am so thirsty and water is so delicious. With the proper ratio of ice to water, it is pure bliss. And I can’t get enough of it into my body fast enough.
I went to kinesiology on my non appointment day begging to ride the stationary bike. Okay, begging is a bit of an exaggeration. I asked, they said yes. Whatever. I’d been exercising in 10 minute increments and I rode that bike for an hour. I felt great. Endorphins anyone?
Fearless Self Expression
One of my doctors came into my room to ask how I was doing. I started crying and said something like, “I have no idea. How am I? Is it just me? Or does this room feel smaller? Is someone barbecuing pork?”
Then I abruptly stopped crying and told him my brain feels weird. I was offered a sedative. I happily accepted.
A Time of Reflection
I Love Talking to Psychiatrists. No, not for analyzation, but about all the crazy things our brain does. I really should’ve followed though with that acceptance as an LCSW for San Diego State. I could have a really cool job if I didn’t have to spend so much time at the doctor. And I would be doing much better finically by earning a solid nest egg working in strip clubs during my 20’s. Shoulda, coulda, woulda.
A Treat for the Senses
Transient moments of the smell of pork. I opened a box of Cheerios this morning and had to get confirmation from a nurse that it did not smell like pork. Not bacon, pork. In fact, last night, I went into another room and smelled pork. Do I smell like pork? I’ve been holed up in this room for over 40 days. Maybe I smell like pork. I’m currently receiving my antibiotic infusion and as soon as I am detached from this IV, I’m taking a long shower. Everyone has a natural scent. What if natural essence has become pork? But can we really smell ourselves objectively? My cousin is coming by later. Im going to ask for an honest answer. After the shower, of course.
Plenty of Remedies
Why does it seam rational to use an herbal remedy to detox from a chemical that’s kept in a locked cabinet? Do a search for opiate withdrawal and you will there is no shortage of “natural” remedies to make it go away. Look, the only person you should listen to about how to properly withdraw from opiates and all drugs is to ask a doctor. People read a blog post about their “success” and call it research. Someone once read me something disguised as news and name “a reliable source” as their source. Let me say that again: Source: “A reliable source”. Everybody’s a doctor.
Okay, that’s all the writing I care to do. I’m going to do some sanskrit chanting after drinking these four glasses of water, and take a shower.